Using Enneagram Stances for Growth - Types 3, 7, 8

hey soaring blog friends, we're so glad you're here!

Last week’s blog focused on self-discovery and growth using Enneagram stances for Types 1, 2, and 6, the Dependent stance. You can find an overview of stances here.

This week we’ll dive deep into self-discovery and growth using Enneagram stances for Aggressive or Assertive types 3, 7, and 8.

Critical Point: As you dive into using stances for growth, you need to be confident in your personality type for the information to have the greatest impact. If you’re unsure, we can help coach you to identify your core personality type. Start here.

Repressed Centers

Stances are defined by which center is repressed, representing parts of ourselves we don’t use productively.

The aggressive or assertive stance represses feelings. These individuals may tend to think and then act or act and then think, often bypassing their emotions or feelings in the process.

While individuals in this group have feelings, they may downplay or bypass them to achieve their goals. They are future-focused and prioritize action and results, often seeing feelings as a hindrance that could slow them down or distract them from their objectives.

Aggressive or Assertive Stance: Types 3, 7, and 8

This group:

• You are independently focused, forward-moving, and action-oriented, asserting your desires on people, places, and situations to achieve your goals.

• You take charge, initiate actions, and are often seen as a leader.

• Unlike the Dependent stance, which aligns with others for validation, and the Withdrawn stance, which relies on internal knowledge and information, you assert yourself in the world to meet your needs.

• You often think “Why feel? Feelings just get in the way.” / “I know what I want and I’m going for it no matter what stands in the way.” or “My way or the highway.”

Tips for Growth for Types 3, 7, and 8

We need you, leaders, in this world—the people who take action and move us forward.

If you are in the aggressive or assertive stance, try to be mindful of not bulldozing over other people. This is especially important for individuals in the withdrawn stance, who may need more time to respond or take action, as well as those in the dependent stance, who seek affirmation from others to feel okay.

Asserting yourself to achieve your goals and desires is fine, but it becomes unhealthy when your assertions overlook consideration and empathy for others. This is when aggression can start to surface, often prompted by the underlying fears associated with your core personality type.

Type 3: The Achiever

• Be True to Yourself: Focus on being true to yourself rather than projecting an image of success. Being authentic encourages genuine self-worth and lasting relationships.

As an Enneagram Type 3, I understand how challenging it can be to truly know yourself. Wearing many hats can often make your true identity feel cloudy. If you're struggling to discover your true self, start there! Have grace for the process of self-discovery, identify your core values, learn to set boundaries around the things you don't like, and practice saying NO. -Ana Grisham

(P.S. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING!)

• Value Who You Are: Remind yourself regularly that your worth comes from who you are, not just what you accomplish. Acknowledge and appreciate your God-given qualities and strengths.

• Balance Efficiency with Self-Worth: Make sure that targeting efficiency and success doesn't reduce your self-worth. For instance, if someone asks about your work, be mindful not to let fear convince you that their questions imply inadequacy or insignificance. This awareness can prevent reacting aggressively or shutting down the conversation.

  • When my sense of self-worth is tied to my work, receiving feedback or having a flaw pointed out can feel like an exposure of my inadequacies. When this happens, I tend to get aggressive as a form of self-protection. I need to learn that my worth has absolutely NO tie to what I am able to produce. -Ana Grisham

• Prioritize Rest and Recharge: Take time to rest and recharge. Overworking can lead to burnout and reduce your effectiveness. Prioritize self-care as part of your routine. You are not lazy or a failure if you allow yourself to rest.

• Allow Yourself to Feel: I know this is scary, but allow yourself to be open about your feelings and insecurities. Sharing your vulnerabilities can build deeper, more authentic connections with others. It may feel easier to deceive people or even yourself into thinking you’re “all good” or “fine”, but try to allow yourself to be receptive to your feelings.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

• Mind Your Responses: Be mindful that your enthusiasm can sometimes come across as dismissive, especially when others share difficult emotions. Practice empathy and avoid overly positive remarks that might invalidate their feelings.

• Listen Actively: Make an effort to listen and understand others without rushing to offer solutions or positivity. This shows empathy and respect for their experiences.

• Face Discomfort: Allow yourself to acknowledge and sit with uncomfortable emotions, both yours and others'. Embracing these feelings can deepen your connections and broaden your emotional range.

• Stay Present: Slow down and be fully present in the moment instead of constantly seeking the next exciting experience. This helps you appreciate life's little blessings and gifts and connect more deeply with others.

• Balance Optimism with Realism: While optimism is natural for you (which isn’t wrong!), recognize when it's appropriate to validate others' experiences, even your own, with a realistic perspective. This fosters genuine support and understanding.

Type 8: The Challenger

• Pause, Reflect, and Consider Perspectives: Before responding, step back to assess the situation and understand others' viewpoints. This promotes empathy and prevents misunderstandings, especially when you may be feeling vulnerable or challenged.

• Manage Assertiveness and Vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability is key to building deeper connections and trust. Take my husband Tony, a Type 8, for example—he sometimes sees my curiosity and questions as challenging his authority. When we talk openly and understand each other's viewpoints, it improves how we communicate and builds trust between us. Most often, I'm genuinely just trying to gain a clearer understanding, not questioning his decisions.

• Develop Active Listening and Positive Energy: Listen actively to others' perspectives, using your assertiveness to empower and support rather than dominate. This approach fosters constructive dialogue and respectful interactions.

• Set Boundaries and Seek Feedback: Clearly assert your boundaries while respecting differing viewpoints. Inviting constructive feedback promotes personal growth and mutual respect in relationships.

• Practice Patience and Understanding: Have patience and empathy in conversations, which will help you work with others thoughtfully and form stronger bonds.

Your homework… Reflect on your stance and time orientation.

How do they influence your daily interactions and decisions? What strengths and challenges do they present?

Understanding these aspects can truly empower you on your journey toward greater self-awareness and personal growth.

Remember, the journey of self-discovery and growth is ongoing, and each step forward is progress. ❤️

Stay tuned for more insights next week on types 4, 5, & 9!

On your side and in your corner,

Lori & Ana