Do the Work with the Enneagram
You may be wondering what it means to “do the work with the Enneagram.” Let me share my experience first-hand.
Like others, in the beginning, the Enneagram was a fun personality tool. Something I could talk about with friends and family on the surface. Relating to “The Helper” personality type 2 tendencies.
Looking ahead a few years from when I discovered the system, now that I am a certified Enneagram coach, and have been coached myself. I've found that knowing the in’s and out’s of the system and understanding the core of the Enneagram can greatly influence our lives.
The Enneagram, with its nine personality types, is centered around the human ego. Personally, I rarely use or even think about the term 'ego,' which pertains to one's self-esteem or self-importance, essentially representing self-worth. When we are fixated on our egos or defending ourselves, we hinder our ability to live fully, meaning, being able to be at peace in our hearts, minds, and bodies. Our time is spent defending ourselves so that we achieve the core longing we’ve had as a child. The alternative to defending our ego is truly understanding, accepting, and loving the person God created you to be and living in that peace.
Core Longing by Personality Type
Go here to learn more about your unique personality type.
Type 1: “The Reformer” - You are already good and acceptable.
Type 2: “The Helper” - You are wanted and loved just for who you are.
Type 3: “The Achiever” - You don’t need to earn love - you are already loved just for who you are.
Type 4: “The Individualist” - You are seen and loved for who you truly are.
Type 5: “The Investigator” - You already have what it takes - your needs are not a problem.
Type 6: “The Loyalist” - You are safe and secure.
Type 7: “The Enthusiast” - The contentment you seek is already within you. You will be taken care of.
Type 8: “The Challenger” - You will not be betrayed.
Type 9: “The Peacemaker” - You and your presence matter.
Okay, back to doing the work. As a reminder, my Personality Type is Enneagram 2 - “The Helper.” As I learned more about myself, I realized my personality felt complicated and, to be honest, a bit messy. I didn’t like constantly wanting/needing others to appreciate and love me for who I am. That meant I was endlessly seeking approval from the outside, focusing on meeting others' needs just to feel wanted and loved. This resulted in me losing sight of my own needs and struggling to make sure they were met.
My journey encompassed exploring all aspects of my personality type, which included my Wings. I have traits of both Wing 1 (The Reformer) and Wing 3 (The Achiever) that show up in my daily activities. Wings are the complementary personality types that sit alongside your main one. My 3 wing is more dominant given my strong desire to achieve. This has shown up more in my career than in my personal life.
The Instinctive Center can be identified in three forms: head, heart, and body. These centers are associated with different ways of processing information and making decisions. Personally, I resonate with the heart or the feeling center. This means my emotions often take the lead over my gut or head. I'm actively working on recognizing moments when my emotions dominate, and I need to leverage my head or body to balance and objectively assess situations. One simple technique I use for personal growth is to pause. When my ego and defenses are triggered, I pause, allowing myself to step back from the situation, avoiding overreactions and preventing my ego/defenses from escalating.
There are three Instinctual Subtypes, each representing how your basic instincts show up in daily life. 1) Self-preservation: responding to perceived threats and needs, 2) Social: creating social structures within communities, or 3) One-to-One: primary relationships or coupling; also known as the Sexual subtype. While we possess all basic instincts, however, one will tend to dominate explaining variations among people of the same personality type. My primary subtype is Social, but I also notice instances of Self-preservation emerging frequently.
In the process of becoming my best self, I’ve observed feeling intense ‘pain’ and frustration when striving to be seen as worthy or valuable, just the way I am. This has been challenging particularly in my corporate work environment. I work in Technology/Engineering. While my strengths lie in collaboration, connection, planning, and organization, these qualities aren't always emphasized or celebrated in my workplace. The result causes my defense mechanism to go into overdrive with a focus on proving I am valuable in my role and group for who I am, aligned with my core longing. The ongoing task is to recognize and appreciate my value. It involves acknowledging that this environment might not be the most engaging or the best fit for me, rather than constantly seeking approval that may not happen.
I've discovered that when I don't receive the response I seek from others, especially superiors, it's critical for me to take a step back and shift away from being overly self-focused. Recognizing that the other person might be dealing with various issues or priorities, and my concerns may not be at the forefront of their thoughts, is a key aspect. In these moments, I remind myself to do the internal work, engage my mind, and understand that I am loved and wanted for who I am, even if the expected words or actions from others aren’t the reality.
Engaging in the self-discovery process described above has brought me out of the autopilot mode, where I lived without full awareness of my responses and feelings. The ultimate objective is to live in a state of peace, recognizing that God created us perfectly in His image. He alone will give us the strength to transform. This journey allows me to shed the burden of constantly seeking everyone else's nod and approval in order to embrace authenticity and inner peace.
As you begin to do the work of self-discovery and self-improvement, you’ll be uncomfortable. Transformation is hard work and the outcomes of a healthy and peaceful life, knowing your own value, is worth it friend.
Please reach out to us if you’d like to start your journey of self-discovery and improvement. We’d be honored to walk alongside you as you grow into your best self!
On your side and in your corner!
Lori
