Permission to Self-Validate, Yes Please!

Hey soaring blog friends! so very glad you're here!

Do you remember the movie "The Devil Wears Prada?"

Andy Sachs, a young journalist, feels the need to prove her worth in the high-pressure fashion industry, often seeking validation from her demanding boss, Miranda Priestly. Her actions for external validation started to cost her. Her relationship with her boyfriend suffered, she worked all the time, and she lost sight of her boundaries.

I’ve fallen into this trap myself! Without knowing it, I looked for the next external expression of validation, whether it was at work or within my immediate family.

This was a subconscious habit that I was unaware of until I experienced multiple times that someone I respected or hoped would value me didn’t validate my work, feelings, or actions. I needed to understand that my decisions, actions, and emotions were valid on my own.

I didn’t realize that I could have a relationship with myself that allowed me to celebrate internally when I felt or acted a certain way, and to give myself space to learn and grow when I didn’t respond as I’d hoped.

The hard times I've faced in life made me confront my feelings—not just notice them, but digging into why they showed up and figuring out what I needed to do with them.

Overcoming significant challenges tested my core identity and the value I bring, from feeling undervalued in my job, where I poured my heart and soul, to not being prioritized by my parents. Through these experiences, I've come to value my worth.

Does this resonate with you? 

Do you struggle to believe in your intrinsic value regardless of how others see you?

Do you find yourself seeking validation from others, struggling to be confident in the knowledge that you were created perfectly?

One reason you may seek external validation is because you struggle to believe in yourself. You need others to reassure you that you’re truly worthwhile.

“We are wired to think everything else has more value than us.” I heard this quote last week from Myron Goldman, renowned top-tier sales strategist, and woah, did it resonate with me.

You may get caught up in what you lack, what you think you need, or who others want you to be. This distracts you from looking within yourself to discover the amazing tools and gifts you possess.

5 actions to break the dependency on external validation

1. Believe in Your Strengths: Stop underestimating the strengths and blessings you’ve been given. Choose to believe in yourself and reduce the anxiety of consistently thinking you’re not enough.

2. Self-Affirmation: Let the confirmation that your thoughts, actions, and decisions are good and acceptable come from within.

3. Live in Confidence: Embrace the peace of knowing you are accepted by God, who created you according to His perfect blueprint.

4. Challenge Negative Opinions: Recognize and challenge negative opinions from others. Practice affirmations and self-compassion to reinforce your self-worth and prevent others' opinions from dictating how you feel about yourself.

5. Celebrate Your Achievements: Reflect on the last time you celebrated your accomplishments. Whether it’s a small victory or a major milestone, each deserves recognition. Make daily celebration a habit.

If this resonates with you...

We’d love to hear from each of you!

Tell us three things you’re celebrating this week. What accomplishments are you most proud of?

We'll celebrate with you!

On your side and in your corner,

Lori