Beyond Together - Embracing Self-Worth
Friends, this blog is about embracing self-worth and is inspired by the growth happening in my own life. A phrase that often comes to my mind is “Do it without needing a nod.” But what does that mean? Simply put, it's about doing what we do without constantly seeking external validation or approval. By the end of this blog, my hope and desire is you DO ALL YOU DO REGARDLESS OF GETTING A NOD!
Do you often feel the need for recognition for your actions? Deep down, do you crave hearing phrases like 'good job' or 'you're amazing' or 'I don't know what we'd do without you; you're always there when we need you'? If so, know that you're not alone—I've experienced that too, and I'm still working through it.
Behaviors like avoiding conflict, the inability to say ‘no,’ and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own often stem from a desire to be liked, needed, and appreciated. Here are two key steps I've been focusing on:
Honoring my own needs and desires: I've realized I often prioritize others over myself. I'm working on changing this by focusing more on my own needs and desires. This includes stopping the habit of always trying to please others for their approval or validation. While I still care for others, I'm also prioritizing my own well-being and desires.
Reflecting on achievements: After taking action, I'm learning to acknowledge my accomplishments and feel proud of myself. Again, this is not natural for me, but so beneficial!
Let me share something that happened recently. Last Saturday, I spent the day working hard on trimming the trees in our yard. We live on 5 acres, there's a lot of work to be done, especially with so many trees. I spent hours trimming branches, picking up debris, and hauling it all away. The weather in Tennessee in February was absolutely gorgeous! Being outside was good for my mental health and helped me gain clarity. At one point, I found myself wondering if my husband, Tony, knew how hard I was working. Did he have any idea?
I caught myself right there and redirected my thoughts.
I was PROUD of myself and the hard work I was doing. I was PROUD of how nice the trees looked and how beautifully they would blossom in the Spring and Summer. I DID THAT! I didn’t need a “nod” or approval from anyone, but myself.
Tony didn’t even know I had a hidden agenda or expectation that he needed to validate me. I let that go before the disappointment and unfair expectations even started. Letting go of unrealistic expectations of others is where healthy relationships live.
Our relationships may not always meet our needs, and expecting others to know what we need to feel good about ourselves is unrealistic and unfair. If you want your relationships to succeed, focus on understanding your own value and worth. Love yourself. Free others from the expectations you have of them.
As an Enneagram 2, The Helper, my core fear is being unloved and unwanted. Having this knowledge allows me to consciously recognize when it shows up and to take action and redirect my thoughts. This involves praying and asking God to reassure the insecure parts of me. It’s about writing down things I’m proud of and loving myself without needing the validation from others.
If you're looking to understand yourself better, don't hesitate to reach out to us. We're here to help you explore your personality, desires, fears, and more. Self-awareness is the first step in self-development. Once you understand yourself better, you can decide how to improve and create a more peaceful life with fulfilling relationships.
Here’s your assignment…
Take 5-10 minutes and write down 3 things you have done very well and are proud of recently.
Once you’ve done that, read the list.
Read it again.
Allow your worth to sink deep and build up your confidence internally. You are loved!
On your side and in your corner!
Lori
