From People Pleaser to Bulldozer
Have you ever noticed yourself swinging from quietly holding back—afraid to take up space—to suddenly pushing too hard, trying to prove something or just taking over to make it happen? Like you're stuck, never quite landing in that steady middle ground?
Lately, I’ve started to catch it in myself. I’m working on a project that could make a real difference for our whole IT team, and the way I’m showing up—it just feels different than it used to.
I’ve started asserting my ideas and recommendations more boldly. I’m speaking up with confidence, offering suggestions, and driving outcomes in a way that feels… different. And honestly? It feels good.
This shift is the result of deep self-worth work and learning to stand in my strengths. And while it’s empowering to find my voice, I’ve also realized something important. If we’re not careful, confidence without self-awareness can turn into bulldozing.
For most of my life, I was the kind of person who needed to be liked. I worked hard to be kind, easygoing, agreeable—the person no one could be upset with. That approval felt like oxygen.
But something has shifted.
That addictive need to be liked has started to fade. And let me tell you—it’s freeing.
There’s a peace in not needing to perform or please—just to show up authentically and let that be enough. But if I’m honest, the fight to stay in that place is very real. I’m so determined never to go back to needing others to define my worth that sometimes… I overcorrect.
In trying not to fall back into that old trap, I swing the other way. I become direct. Blunt. Unfiltered. And sometimes… I bulldoze. Not because I want to overpower anyone, but because I’m so fiercely committed to never again letting my worth hinge on someone else’s approval.
Even in this newfound freedom, I’ve realized something important: confidence needs balance. It’s easy to go from holding back in fear to charging ahead in boldness. From being overly cautious to being overly assertive. But that’s not who I want to be. And I’m guessing that’s not who you want to be either.
I’ve reached a place where I no longer struggle with saying what needs to be said. But how I say it? That still matters. Without intentional guardrails, even good confidence can turn sideways.
So how do I keep that in check?
Stay self-aware. I pay attention to my posture, my tone, and how others respond to me.
Check in with trusted people. Friends and colleagues who know me and will lovingly tell me the truth—even when it’s hard.
Pray. I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me—to help me speak with both truth and grace, to really listen, and to honor those around me.
Stay humble. When I get it wrong (because I do), I want to own it, ask for forgiveness, and keep growing.
Growth is a gift. But so is humility in the process.
As we rise in confidence, may we never lose sight of the people around us.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV)
What about you?
Have you ever experienced that swing? Going from habitual people pleaser to possibly pushing too hard and bulldozing those around you? How are you learning to live with both courage and compassion?
