Defensiveness vs. Gratitude
Navigating between defensiveness vs. gratitude can be such a hard thing to do yet so rewarding. Whether at work, with friends, or with family, the impulse to react defensively often comes from feelings of hurt, shame, or a fear of being seen as incompetent. With Thanksgiving approaching, the topic of gratitude feels particularly fitting.
Gratitude…
I am grateful for those who correct me. They help refine my path and shape my growth.
Recently, someone on my team pointed out something I missed on a project. My immediate reaction was to question the feedback—I was so sure I hadn't missed a thing, and I almost felt like I shouldn't even be questioned about it. But at that moment, I realized there was this gap between how I saw myself as a leader, someone open to feedback, and my knee-jerk impulse to protect myself from feeling inadequate. So, I paused before responding and deliberately shifted my mindset to one of humility, genuinely thanking the team member for the information.
The impact on me of this shift in mindset was:
I strengthened my ability to be humble and vulnerable by accepting correction.
I became approachable, showing I welcome feedback without consequences.
I opened myself to learning something new from a misunderstanding.
The impact on my team was:
The team member felt comfortable correcting me, reflecting trust in my leadership.
Accurate information saved us from investing time in unnecessary work.
Acknowledging my limitations highlighted the exceptional capabilities within my team.
Responding with gratitude requires a mindset of humility. Again, this isn’t something that’s natural for most people. Being humble and grateful is an intentional position that’s highly effective, especially for those in a position of leadership. It’s something that needs to be desired and worked on, just like any other skill. Once you achieve it, the benefits are very rewarding.
John Maxwell perfectly stated, "Only a small percentage of people are continually successful over the long run. These outstanding few recognize that every success comes from the assistance of many other people, and they are continually grateful for this support."
Moving from defensiveness to gratitude takes time. It needs us to reflect, be open, and see things differently. To begin, let’s actively appreciate and value what each person brings. As we step into gratitude season, let's build a culture that welcomes feedback, cheers on growth, and uses the amazing power of gratitude to make a difference.
Who or what are you grateful for today? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
