A Transformation Journey

When my friend Lori asked me to be a contributor on Soaring Blog, I immediately said ‘yes’ and yet it’s taken me many months to actually write about my transformation.

Why has it taken so long? 

Maybe it’s because I’m still on my transformation journey and I was hoping to write something when I was finished.

Or maybe it’s because I wasn’t sure exactly what to say that could benefit another.

Or maybe it’s because my journey hasn’t been neat and pretty and writing about the hard stuff is well…hard.

And yet, now is the time for me to share.

Some Background

My name is Tara Tharpe and I am a Jesus-loving single mother of 5 adult children, with my youngest in his junior year of college. I am active in my church and have friends who have become like family. I’ve had success in my career, as I’ve risen up the corporate ladder.

You may be reading all of this saying…so what’s the transformation story?

The Journey Begins

Almost 6.5 years ago, my divorce was finalized. I’d been married for 16 years; we dated for 4 years before marriage; and we met when I was 15 and were high school sweethearts. When I went away to college, our relationship ended, but years later we ended up back together. With so much history, of course, we could navigate any storm and remain married for many, many years.

There are those in my family with long marriages – my grandparents were married over 50 years; one of my uncles is now celebrating 60 years of marriage; and my father and step-mother were married for 42 years, before his death.

I enjoyed being a wife and knew that God blessed and instituted marriage, yet mine was ending. That’s not how things are supposed to go. I prayed; I fasted; I sought counseling; I ready my Bible. So, it’s all supposed to work out right? My youngest was 16 and his days would look different than his elder siblings.

I had so many questions….

• How do you let go of the past, with it’s hurts, successes, and failures?

• And how do you mourn the loss of yesterday’s dreams for the future to begin to dream new, different dreams?

• The terms of our divorce were also difficult for me. How does one endure hardship without growing cold and bitter?

• How do you forgive when there’s so much pain?

• What do you do when all of the plates you’ve been spinning come crashing down on the floor?

• And how do I help my children navigate all of this, while still learning to navigate it all myself?

I’d love to tell you that I went to bed one night and woke up and everything was magically better. Nope – that’s not what happened.

Turning to Faith

What actually happened is that I had to rely on the One who knew me best and loved me most. He so lovingly put friends and family in my life to encourage me and pray with me and remind me that God’s promises are always true.

I went to a Girlfriend’s Night Under the Stars and the speaker spoke about Isaiah 43:18-19, which reads “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

The key to my transformation rested on believing God’s Word and that He could do what He said He would do. He showed me how to forgive my former husband; He gave me the words to say to ask for forgiveness when my attitude wasn’t right. He reminded me not to dwell on the past, but to be thankful each day because He was working. He gave me eyes to see the beauty in the everyday simplicity and in difficulty. He gave me His peace for my worries. He gave me a thankful heart, instead of stony cold one. He gave me His Word that is filled with precious promises. And He gave me wonderful friends and counselors who let me cry on their shoulder; who both encouraged me and held me accountable for taking the next step forward in this journey.

Future Focused

While I desire to re-marry, I’m also learning to be content in this season as a single woman, while expectantly waiting on God for what He has next for me.

Has this 6.5 year journey been easy? No. Has it been filled with tears? Yes - plenty. And yet, with my identity firmly rooted in who my Savior says I am, I believe that my life is more radiant and abundant than it’s ever been.

Refreshed Identity

I’ve discovered that I’m more creative than I thought I was; I’m able to laugh easily again; I’ve learned to forgive often; and I’m learning to love more deeply because I am deeply loved. 

Earlier this week, I bought a hand-crafted mug, made by a lady in Haiti on which was engraved the words “I am loved”. Each morning as I drink my coffee, I’m reminded that I am loved by the One who knows me best and calls me His daughter. I am a daughter of The Most High King.

In Closing…

Wow – even with a sordid past that isn’t picture perfect, I AM LOVED.

And so are you, my friend!